How Death & Compassion Can Go Hand in Hand
The subject of death has a really bad reputation, you hear a lot about how death is morbid and how depressing the subject is, but have you ever thought that the subject of death could have some positive life changing impacts, well it really can!
I was once out at a restaurants with my partners friends and the conversations were so free flowing and me being me, I couldn't help but put my foot right in it, by starting to talk about death. As you can imagine the flow of the conversation came to a pretty swift stop. This happens a lot with me and no matter how much I explain why the subject of death is good, the majority of people just can't seem to shake off that taboo feeling.
I think it has become such a knee jerk reaction, that people just don't want to let it in. On some level I understand why this is, but when you look deeper there is so much more to the subject of death. For me death is an incredible subject and holds so many great possibilities, but in this blog post I wanted to share with you how it can help with increasing your compassion.
Death and dying are the most certain things that will happen to us, but hey we all know it, but if we truly knew it, wouldn't we at least think about it? It's lodged in the back of our heads, as if thinking about it doesn't have any benefit to us. But that's not true at all. A really big key benefit of thinking about death is how it fills you with compassion, how, I hear you ask?
Well, let me share with you an experience I had on my commute home from London one evening. I say commute, but it was twice a week, for a course I was doing in the King's Cross area.
After a long day at work, then a long train ride to London, listening to lectures and taking notes. On this day I was completely pooped. I sat on the train home and whilst listening to some contemporary classical music playing on my headphones, I looked at all the people on the train around me, I often never give them much thought and try to avoid people, as we all do these days, trying to give each other some personal space. Anyway, I was listening to the music and staring out into the carriage, I started to think about each person I could see. I though, this person will die some day, they will leave behind a best friend, loved one and family, who cherishes them so much. This person I don't know has a whole world going on around them and it would at some point in the future just stop, the same way it will for me.
When I thought like this, I felt like I had such a deep connection to that person and the compassion just started to erupt from my heart, to the point where I almost had tears in my eyes. They too like me may have insecurities and worries and concerns. They may have children, maybe this person has even lost someone in their life, who was their whole world.
In that instance that person was no longer a stranger, but funny enough not even an acquaintance.
Some bridge had been formed with the people on that train, from my prospective at least. This bridge showed me the true power of contemplating death. In that instance I had tapped into a quality within myself that hadn't been touched for a very long time.
On a very practical level, there are far more applications of this method that you can use to enhance your compassion. To start with, try this on the ones you love, its always going to be easier to generate compassion for them as you already have high level of attachment to them anyway.
Just think about how you have no idea when you are going to die, that it could be 30, 40, 50+ years away, but you also don't know it won't be tomorrow or even next week. Let the thought settle in and just be present with it and the feeling it brings. You have no idea when you will die, do you?
Stay with it, thinking it over and over if you have too. If a deep feeling of sadness comes while doing this and you can't bare it, stop and try again another day. It gets easier the more you do it.
Now think about the interactions you have with friends and family. They too don't know when they will die. That annoying thing they do, that argument you had where your'e holding onto the 'fact you were right!' In this place it all falls away and all that is left is a deep loving kindness and compassion for them. In this space we can love them, right now as they are, we can forgive them and be in a space of non-judgment.
After a while of doing this, you can try to apply it to strangers, when someone cuts you off in the car, or someone just snaps at you, you can apply this. We all have bad days and it's so easy to react in that normal habitual way, with fear and anger. But the reaction we give is chosen and can make all the difference, not only to you, but to those around you too.
We all walk around unaware of how fragile we truly are, I guess in a way COVID-19 has shown us our fragility in a very obvious way. It's incredible how easy it is, for this life to be gone.
We go about our daily lives, as if we will live forever, while deep down we cannot bare to face the fact we will die, but our mortality is what makes life so valuable, so rich and so enjoyable. So let's enjoy it, lets talk about it, and give ourself the space to be more compassionate to one and other.
I was once out at a restaurants with my partners friends and the conversations were so free flowing and me being me, I couldn't help but put my foot right in it, by starting to talk about death. As you can imagine the flow of the conversation came to a pretty swift stop. This happens a lot with me and no matter how much I explain why the subject of death is good, the majority of people just can't seem to shake off that taboo feeling.
I think it has become such a knee jerk reaction, that people just don't want to let it in. On some level I understand why this is, but when you look deeper there is so much more to the subject of death. For me death is an incredible subject and holds so many great possibilities, but in this blog post I wanted to share with you how it can help with increasing your compassion.
Death and dying are the most certain things that will happen to us, but hey we all know it, but if we truly knew it, wouldn't we at least think about it? It's lodged in the back of our heads, as if thinking about it doesn't have any benefit to us. But that's not true at all. A really big key benefit of thinking about death is how it fills you with compassion, how, I hear you ask?
Well, let me share with you an experience I had on my commute home from London one evening. I say commute, but it was twice a week, for a course I was doing in the King's Cross area.
After a long day at work, then a long train ride to London, listening to lectures and taking notes. On this day I was completely pooped. I sat on the train home and whilst listening to some contemporary classical music playing on my headphones, I looked at all the people on the train around me, I often never give them much thought and try to avoid people, as we all do these days, trying to give each other some personal space. Anyway, I was listening to the music and staring out into the carriage, I started to think about each person I could see. I though, this person will die some day, they will leave behind a best friend, loved one and family, who cherishes them so much. This person I don't know has a whole world going on around them and it would at some point in the future just stop, the same way it will for me.
When I thought like this, I felt like I had such a deep connection to that person and the compassion just started to erupt from my heart, to the point where I almost had tears in my eyes. They too like me may have insecurities and worries and concerns. They may have children, maybe this person has even lost someone in their life, who was their whole world.
In that instance that person was no longer a stranger, but funny enough not even an acquaintance.
Some bridge had been formed with the people on that train, from my prospective at least. This bridge showed me the true power of contemplating death. In that instance I had tapped into a quality within myself that hadn't been touched for a very long time.
On a very practical level, there are far more applications of this method that you can use to enhance your compassion. To start with, try this on the ones you love, its always going to be easier to generate compassion for them as you already have high level of attachment to them anyway.
Just think about how you have no idea when you are going to die, that it could be 30, 40, 50+ years away, but you also don't know it won't be tomorrow or even next week. Let the thought settle in and just be present with it and the feeling it brings. You have no idea when you will die, do you?
Stay with it, thinking it over and over if you have too. If a deep feeling of sadness comes while doing this and you can't bare it, stop and try again another day. It gets easier the more you do it.
Now think about the interactions you have with friends and family. They too don't know when they will die. That annoying thing they do, that argument you had where your'e holding onto the 'fact you were right!' In this place it all falls away and all that is left is a deep loving kindness and compassion for them. In this space we can love them, right now as they are, we can forgive them and be in a space of non-judgment.
After a while of doing this, you can try to apply it to strangers, when someone cuts you off in the car, or someone just snaps at you, you can apply this. We all have bad days and it's so easy to react in that normal habitual way, with fear and anger. But the reaction we give is chosen and can make all the difference, not only to you, but to those around you too.
We all walk around unaware of how fragile we truly are, I guess in a way COVID-19 has shown us our fragility in a very obvious way. It's incredible how easy it is, for this life to be gone.
We go about our daily lives, as if we will live forever, while deep down we cannot bare to face the fact we will die, but our mortality is what makes life so valuable, so rich and so enjoyable. So let's enjoy it, lets talk about it, and give ourself the space to be more compassionate to one and other.
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